Exploring Roots, Identity, and Belonging

Visiting my birthplace: Jaffna, Sri Lanka

Life often takes us on unexpected journeys, leading us to places we never thought we'd return to. After 39 years, I found myself standing in my birthplace, Jaffna, Sri Lanka, a place I had barely any memories of. This journey was a touching exploration of my roots, identity, and the eternal question of where one truly belongs.

My family and I have travelled to many places around the world, and have even made over ten visits to the southern regions of India. However, for some reason, Sri Lanka remained an unexplored destination on our travel itinerary. It took 39 years and a remarkably impulsive decision to return to the very place where my life first began.

A Familiar but Foreign Place

Walking the streets of Jaffna, I was met with an odd mixture of emotions. While I stood in my birthplace, my memory of it was virtually non-existent. The surroundings felt like a puzzle I had once known but had lost, only to rediscover its pieces. This dual sense of familiarity and foreignness was a captivating and somewhat intriguing sensation.

I was just four years old when my family left this country, leaving me with only two vivid memories. One was seeing a huge turtle near a wall, and the other, an image of heavily armed soldiers patrolling on the same train my mother, sister, and I had boarded to escape the country. I remember the deep fear I felt, as I constantly gazed out the train window, hoping the soldiers wouldn't notice me.

Almost four decades later, as I disembarked from the plane in Colombo, setting foot on Sri Lankan soil once again, that memory came rushing back with astonishing clarity. A military officer at the airport, armed and dressed in uniform, instantly triggered this childhood memory, evoking a profound sense of nostalgia and reflection.

Searching for Identity

Visiting my birthplace stirred a whirlwind of questions about my identity and where I truly belonged. Growing up as an immigrant in the Netherlands, I had integrated into Dutch society, embracing its culture and language. Returning to Jaffna after all these years was an emotional rollercoaster. Memories were distant, yet a deep sense of belonging surrounded me. It felt like a homecoming, but not entirely so.

The journey continued in the United Kingdom, where I have resided for more years than in the Netherlands. Ironically, I have felt a stronger sense of belonging in the Netherlands, my childhood sanctuary, than in the UK, where I have spent most of my adult life. This dilemma leaves me with a profound question: where do I truly belong?

But my narrative does not end with me. I am now a mother to three children, all born in London. They are fluent in English and have only a limited grasp of Tamil, the language of my birthplace. As they accompany me on this remarkable journey to Sri Lanka, I can't help but wonder where their roots truly lie. Do they belong to the land of their birth, or is there something more to it?

The question of belonging often leads to another: what defines our identity and connection to a place? Is it solely the language we speak, or does it transcend linguistic boundaries? Religion often plays a pivotal role in shaping one's identity, but for me, it's a matter of spirituality—a profound connection to something greater than oneself.

This visit became more than just a physical journey; it was a journey of self-discovery. It made me contemplate the essence of identity and belonging. I have come to realize that belonging is a multifaceted concept. It's not just about the place you were born or the language you speak, but it's also about the values, traditions, and experiences that shape your identity. It's about the deep-rooted connections you forge with the people and the culture that surround you.

Finding Belonging in Diversity

Returning to Jaffna was a magical and thought-provoking experience, one that left me with more questions than answers. But, perhaps, that's the beauty of it all.

As I search for answers to where I truly belong, I'm reminded that home is not always a fixed location. It's the sum of our experiences, the love and connections we share with our family, and the sense of purpose we find in our spirituality. And as I watch my children grow and navigate their own paths of identity and belonging, I'm reminded that their roots may stretch across continents, but ultimately, they will find their sense of belonging in the richness of their heritage and the love that binds us together.

In our diverse and interconnected world, we don't have to choose a single place to belong. Instead, we can embrace the richness of our multiple homes and identities. My birthplace will forever hold a special place in my heart, and it reminds me that the question of where I belong is as diverse and ever-evolving as the world itself.

Wishing you, Joy, Growth and fulfilment

- Suga